100-Word Stories

I want to be a better writer. I want to express ideas.

I think I will start attempting 100-Word Stories and then attempt to create some cohesion between them. Now i just actually need to do it.

o' muses grace me please.

Foxhole Manifesto

The first God I remember was a Santa Claus God,
who you only turn to around
Christmas time, who you tried to butter up,
and you got mad at if you didn't get what you wanted.

That didn't make sense.

I knew if there was a God, he could see through us,
like we were made out of cellophane, like he could stare directly into our hearts,
the way we look into an aquarium,
like he'd know what was floating around in there,
like he were the one feeding it.

Then there were those people who used god to threaten you,
saying "you'd better be careful- God's watching,"
like God was some badass hillbilly sitting on some cloud,
with some binoculars, a cotton candy beard and a shotgun.

Then there were those people who had God's name on a bumper sticker,
like he was running for president.
And sometimes those people would cut you off on the freeway and give you the finger,
which is very different than lending a hand.

Then there were people on television,
dressed in weird clothes and scary make-up,
SWEARING that they had the secret to God,
like god was a keyhole their eye was pressed to it,
and if I gave him some money they'd let me look,
and I could see God just hangin' around in his boxers,
and though I liked the idea of spying on God,
I began to wonder if the world would be a better place if the Romans had just put up
with Jesus and let him die of old age...

And then there were the football players,
kneeling down in front of everybody, thanking God,
like he was their best friend,
but then they'd jump up and spike the ball yelling, "I'm number ONE!!",
and that confused me,
for if you're number one,
then what number is God??

Then I saw politicians trotting God out on a leash,
like a racehorse they wanted to hop on and ride to the finish-line.
But if they lost, it would be GOD's fault,
and God would be the donkey they'd pin their problems on,
and that was very nice of God,
to be both a racehorse
and a donkey.

And then there were those who said,
"You'd better be good on earth, if you wanna get into heaven,"
Like heaven was the United States, and the Earth was Mexico,
and angels were the Border Patrol.
Like when you die,
you sit in a parked car on the outskirts of Heaven, the engine idling,
your soul in the back-seat in one of those kennels used to carry small dogs on an airplane,
as you listen to the radio,
hearing the voices of all the people you ever wronged testify against you.

And then there's the church which was like this cafeteria,
where they serve God to you on these very un-Godlike plates,
but I wanted my God PURE, not watered down by humans.
So I had one of those catastrophe gods- you know, the one you called in an emergency,
like God was the National Guard you call on to clean up the earthquake of your life.

So I got drunk one night,
drove home, passed out behind the wheel,
and woke up, going 60mph straight at a brick wall.
I slammed on the brakes, my heart banging like a wrecking-ball in my chest,
staring at death's face,
close enough to see that we had the same cheek-bones.

Now I have a God who's like a mechanic who can fix anything.
So, when I wanna chew somebody's head off like a salt-water taffy,
or amputate my DNA, or open my wrists like windows that have been painted shut,
I just put my soul into a box, like a busted computer, and haul it in.
And He never asks to see my paperwork,
or says that my warrenty has expired.
And I walk out feeling better.

And I don't care if He doesn't exist.

-Jeffrey McDaniel

Catapalooza!!

So many cats! I am covered in cat hair and love. My favorites were the ones in the FIV room they were starved for attention and played with my keys. I wish I got a picture of the worlds fattest calico cat but I just got one of a cat winking at me.





-robfreeman

Paramore - Brand New Eyes 2009

I still have a slight obsession with Hayley Williams and can't help but loving this band.
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p.s. I once spent an hour talking to the band at Warped Tour without realized who they were... I fucked up.

How kute!!

This is the Caitlin of my interests. When I am being a stupid asshole she sits on my floor and plays BattleLore with me when no one else will. When I am being grumpy, she'll tickle me and make me laugh and smile. She could have been anywhere else on a saturday night but she sat on my floor with me

Envy On The Coast - Lucy Gray 2007

Envy On The Coast - Lucy Gray (Photo Finish/2007)
One of my favorites. Long Island raises great bands. I hope they make another album soon.
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Tubelord - Full DIscography + More!

If band ever comes to America I'd be happy as a clam.
Here is everything I own:
Square (2007)
Feed Me a Box of Words (Big Scary Monsters/2008)
I Am Azerrad (Big Scary Monster/????)
Live at New Slang
Half Man Half Amazing from 50 not out BSM comp.
I Am Azerrad (GDOT Remix)
He Awoke on a Bench in Abergavenny from Our First American Friends
Night of the Pencils (Acoustic) from Our Acoustic Friends
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The day the iPhone learned how to MMS

I finally got around to creating a googleblog. I've been wanting to for a long time. I was listening to Gatsbys American Dream after getting sick of trying to listen to Chiodos. I turned on Ribbons and Sugar and found my name. It comes from Animal Farm when Mollie the horse is more concerned with ribbons in her mane and eating sugar cubes. I was happy to finally have a clever name.

Anyways, I am sick of the shuttle bus it is going to be the death of me. I do enjoy watching people walk dogs and jog along Lakeshore drive but the motion sickness is killing me in the morning. So is my absence of breakfast.

My goal of not being a dick isn't flowering. I'm still an asshole. But as Miguel said, "if it ain't broke then don't fix it".